Maybe Things Would Have Been Different

Finally! She is looking at me and trying to

Understand why I did the things I did. If only

I had told her about the raping of a young girl while

I was still alive; if I’d felt safe to tell her how

It all began. Maybe she wouldn’t have hated me

For my imperfections; for my extremes.

If I had been able to tell someone then what he was doing

Maybe he would have been made to stop. Maybe I

Wouldn’t have been forced to stay in town with Aunt

And Uncle. Maybe I would have been welcomed back home.

But no one would hear disparaging words about those who

Took me in over the school year, away from the farm.

I can see it in her eyes now, and hear it in her

Crackling voice, as she tells the empty Gestalt chair that

She can’t attack her dead mother, because there is no one

Here to protect me; because no one ever protected me.

I can stop the hauntings now because now I know that

She sees I had no one to turn to stop the violations.

Now I know that she understands I did all of those things,

Warned her against men and wives, beat her to keep her

Home and away from the dangers of the world,

Only because I loved her; only because I wanted to protect her

The way I wasn’t protected. But I can rest in peace now, after

Receiving her gift of forgiveness and compassion for

what I went through, and why I lied.

I can dream of hope now, with the knowledge that I have not been thrown away, nor was my stillborn baby when I came back from the big city at 15. She will love us both. We will not be forgotten.

Naida Lavon

Dramatic Monologue/Persona Poem

Liz’s Poetry Workshop

05-14-09